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Crying in H Mart


Lyrical and honest, Zauner's voice is as radiantly alive on the page as it is ...
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What did you think of Michelle and her father's decision to use the word “lovely” on Chongmi's headstone?

Created: 03/03/22

Replies: 20

Posted Mar. 03, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 3442

What did you think of Michelle and her father's decision to use the word “lovely” on Chongmi's headstone?

What did you think of Michelle and her father's decision to use the word “lovely” on Chongmi's headstone?

She writes, “To be a loving mother was to be known for a service, but to be a lovely mother was to possess a charm all your own” (158).

What do you think of this distinction?


Posted Mar. 03, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
dorinned

Join Date: 10/13/14

Posts: 176

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

The word "lovely" epitomized Chongmi. Michelle knew her mother better than anyone, despite her rebellious attitudes, and I think, in her heart of hearts, she knew that her mother would appreciate the term "lovely" more than any other endearment she or her father could bestow.


Posted Mar. 03, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
JMW

Join Date: 01/03/22

Posts: 13

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

It was a supreme compliment given everything her mother both evinced in her love for her daughter, but also in her desire to present a beautiful ( or lovely) appearance to the world.


Posted Mar. 03, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
beckyh

Join Date: 05/08/11

Posts: 113

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I think it was a "lovely" way to honor her mother as her mother but also to honor and acknowledge her mother as the separate and independent person she was.


Posted Mar. 04, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Panzy

Join Date: 01/18/22

Posts: 19

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I thought it was very appropriate and Michelle understood why.


Posted Mar. 04, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
marys

Join Date: 05/24/11

Posts: 59

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

Lovely was a word that held special meaning and connotations for Chongmi, so I thought it was very appropriate and thoughtful that Michelle and her dad used that word on Chongmi's headstone.


Posted Mar. 04, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
PKH

Join Date: 01/29/21

Posts: 120

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

The word was special for Chongmi and was very appropriate for her headstone. Much more personalized than saying "loving".


Posted Mar. 04, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
ScribblingScribe

Join Date: 02/29/16

Posts: 189

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I loved that they honored her by choosing a word that had meaning for her and that was not the standard "loving" wife. It showed care and thoughtfulness, as well as a recognition of who Chongmi was and stood for in her life.


Posted Mar. 04, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
crk

Join Date: 03/02/22

Posts: 23

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

Chongmi would have loved this written-in-stone tribute and I loved that Michelle and her father persevered in making it happen even after the first impression was wrong. That very act echos how Michelle stuck with her hope for a meaningful relationship with Chongmi, who put such stock in honing her appearance that her daughter for many years felt unloved. The two words lovely and loving circle around themselves like a revolving door and conjure up many different scenes in the book at once. Brilliant!


Posted Mar. 05, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
ColoradoGirl

Join Date: 05/16/16

Posts: 149

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I agree with you all, that it was the right word to honor Chongmi and it meant a lot to her. I'm sure those mix ups happen all the time, but how awful that the first headstone got it wrong.

I thought it was a good gesture that her father asked her to do this part of the burial process.


Posted Mar. 06, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
catherynez

Join Date: 01/27/18

Posts: 98

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I agree with all of you that lovely was the right word to honor Chongmi.


Posted Mar. 06, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
scgirl

Join Date: 06/05/18

Posts: 245

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I agree that lovely was a good word for the gravestone.


Posted Mar. 07, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
cathyoc

Join Date: 04/26/17

Posts: 247

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I agree with other readers, when honoring a loved one you should think of what is meaningful to them. Chongmi wished to show the world a lovely facade, so it was a perfect tribute to her.


Posted Mar. 07, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
mali

Join Date: 05/01/20

Posts: 24

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

"Lovely" seemed to be the most fitting way to describe her mother. "Loving" may have been appropriate for the "mommy-moms" of her friends who Michelle had envied. Michelle selected (and had the headstone corrected) to truly honor her mother.


Posted Mar. 09, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
arlenei

Join Date: 08/12/21

Posts: 100

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

“Lovely” was/is a tribute to her mother. More than appropriate.


Posted Mar. 09, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
edie

Join Date: 04/05/12

Posts: 50

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

Calling her a "loving mother" puts the spotlight on her child. It's a description of who she was to MIchelle. "Lovely" focuses on Chongmi. It describes who she was--not in relationship to a particular person but in herself. Loving is an attribute of her mother; Lovely is her essence. That Michelle would insist on the latter shows how much she wanted to truly honor her mother and how unselfish was her love for Chongmi.


Posted Mar. 12, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
marks

Join Date: 02/25/19

Posts: 112

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

At first, I was surprised that they used that word, but it really did make sense. As edie put it, "lovely" was a tribute meant to honor her as an individual.


Posted Mar. 13, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
ABeman

Join Date: 01/14/15

Posts: 78

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

"Lovely" was a word that carried special meaning for Chongmi, and it came to mean more to Michelle and her father because of its significance to Chongmi. For her daughter and her husband, it carried it's literal meaning as a description of her and also a symbolic meaning as something that she loved. It had for them a sort of talismanic spirit.


Posted Mar. 13, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
laurer

Join Date: 11/20/14

Posts: 25

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I was especially happy to see that Michelle honored her mother in this way. It makes it truly personal for her mother to have "lovely" instead of the usual words used in such a hallowed final resting place.


Posted Mar. 14, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
barbarae

Join Date: 04/22/11

Posts: 32

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I thought it was a perfect epitaph that captured some of the things most important to Chongmi. I was a bit confused by her father’s reaction to “loving” being on the grave marker. Was he commenting on the mistake that had been made or the meaning of the word “loving!”


Posted Apr. 01, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kyliew

Join Date: 04/01/22

Posts: 7

RE: What did you think of Michelle and ...

I was so glad to read that the headstone was changed to reflect the intended word, “lovely.” As many others have said, it is a representation of her as an individual but also would invoke happy memories to Michelle and her father when they visit. This word was unique to Chongmi both in a reflection of how she spoke and thought.


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