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Crying in H Mart


Lyrical and honest, Zauner's voice is as radiantly alive on the page as it is ...
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How did Michelle's relationship with her father change as a result of her mother's illness and eventual death? Why was there so much tension and conflict between them on the trip to Vietnam?

Created: 03/03/22

Replies: 10

Posted Mar. 03, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 3442

How did Michelle's relationship with her father change as a result of her mother's illness and eventual death? Why was there so much tension and conflict between them on the trip to Vietnam?

How did Michelle's relationship with her father change as a result of her mother's illness and eventual death?

Why was there so much tension and conflict between them on the trip to Vietnam?


Posted Mar. 03, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
JMW

Join Date: 01/03/22

Posts: 13

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

Although one might have expected her mother's death to bring them closer, I read an interesting article in Harper's Bazaar which indicated that Michelle and her father had really gone their separate ways and were even farther apart, perhaps to the point of estrangement. It sounded like she had little time for him now.


Posted Mar. 04, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Panzy

Join Date: 01/18/22

Posts: 19

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

I think they both had to alter their views of each other after Michelle's mother dies. Also, Michelle thought the trip would bring them closer together, but she was disappointed in her father's behavior. Sadly, I think her mother was the glue for the two of them and without her, they weren't able to bridge that gap.


Posted Mar. 04, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
PKH

Join Date: 01/29/21

Posts: 120

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

I felt like she and her father were never really close and her father's actions after her mother's death created a distance between them that she did not have the energy to deal with.


Posted Mar. 04, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
ScribblingScribe

Join Date: 02/29/16

Posts: 189

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

Death brought out the fissures in their own relationship. They grieved the loss differently and could not fix the issues from their past. Unlike with her mother, Michelle was not able to reconcile with her father. The anger and disappointments from the past remained and without her mother to hold the two together, they drifted apart as Michelle had feared would happen when her mother fell ill.


Posted Mar. 04, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
crk

Join Date: 03/02/22

Posts: 23

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

Once out of the familiar environment so intensely shared for many weeks around Chongmi's illness and death, the trip to Vietnam shone a stark light on how differently they felt about their loss. Truly, at that stage, each was still finding their feelings and acting them out like an unsteady toddler. Each was destined to emerge from the bubble they'd been existing in to face a reality built on past decades of disrespect.


Posted Mar. 07, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
mali

Join Date: 05/01/20

Posts: 24

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

Michelle and her father never seemed to have their own relationship - they each were close with Chongmi, and once she was gone there was no bond for them. I think the trip was almost a test of their ability to develop their own relationship, which did not prove successful.


Posted Mar. 12, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
marks

Join Date: 02/25/19

Posts: 112

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

Great question! The awkward, uncomfortable interactions between Michelle and her father were, in a different, as real and graphic as with her mother. I found myself wondering what her father's reaction to the book would be and was sad but not surprised to read JMW's comment about the article that suggested they have drifted apart even more.


Posted Mar. 13, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
jodips

Join Date: 01/05/22

Posts: 6

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

I also wondered what Michelle's father thought about this book and his portrayal in it. I can see how this memoir about Chongmi could be focused so much on Michelle's relationship with her mother that her father is only mentioned as an aside. But really he's not even an aside, because most of what is written about him is negative, not neutral.
He and Michelle each seemed to have their own relationship with Chongmi, but his relationship with Chongmi (at least what we hear about it from Michelle's POV), doesn't seem that great. I think that Michelle's knowledge of his affairs and drinking contributed to the tension on the trip to Vietnam. Michelle could have been thinking that her mother deserved better than that.


Posted Mar. 17, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
jorenej

Join Date: 02/16/22

Posts: 4

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

Her father really played a minor role in this book. Post her Moms' death I read that he remarried pretty quickly and the author became further estranged from him. I had the sense from the book that they were never really close...


Posted Mar. 19, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
skagitgrits's Gravatar
skagitgrits

Join Date: 02/24/17

Posts: 64

RE: How did Michelle's relationship...

Michelle describes the heartache of seeing a parent who clearly "moved on" quickly to replace the Asian wife he had in Michelle's mother. Perhaps that was his way of showing how much he valued her mother; however, it comes across that he was a selfish and self centered man. He doesn't even take the time to console his daughter. I feel for Michelle!


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