How did Michelle's relationship with her father change as a result of her mother's illness and eventual death?
Why was there so much tension and conflict between them on the trip to Vietnam?
Created: 03/03/22
Replies: 10
Join Date: 10/15/10
Posts: 3442
How did Michelle's relationship with her father change as a result of her mother's illness and eventual death?
Why was there so much tension and conflict between them on the trip to Vietnam?
Join Date: 01/03/22
Posts: 13
Although one might have expected her mother's death to bring them closer, I read an interesting article in Harper's Bazaar which indicated that Michelle and her father had really gone their separate ways and were even farther apart, perhaps to the point of estrangement. It sounded like she had little time for him now.
Join Date: 01/18/22
Posts: 19
I think they both had to alter their views of each other after Michelle's mother dies. Also, Michelle thought the trip would bring them closer together, but she was disappointed in her father's behavior. Sadly, I think her mother was the glue for the two of them and without her, they weren't able to bridge that gap.
Join Date: 01/29/21
Posts: 120
Join Date: 02/29/16
Posts: 189
Death brought out the fissures in their own relationship. They grieved the loss differently and could not fix the issues from their past. Unlike with her mother, Michelle was not able to reconcile with her father. The anger and disappointments from the past remained and without her mother to hold the two together, they drifted apart as Michelle had feared would happen when her mother fell ill.
Join Date: 03/02/22
Posts: 23
Once out of the familiar environment so intensely shared for many weeks around Chongmi's illness and death, the trip to Vietnam shone a stark light on how differently they felt about their loss. Truly, at that stage, each was still finding their feelings and acting them out like an unsteady toddler. Each was destined to emerge from the bubble they'd been existing in to face a reality built on past decades of disrespect.
Join Date: 05/01/20
Posts: 24
Michelle and her father never seemed to have their own relationship - they each were close with Chongmi, and once she was gone there was no bond for them. I think the trip was almost a test of their ability to develop their own relationship, which did not prove successful.
Join Date: 02/25/19
Posts: 112
Great question! The awkward, uncomfortable interactions between Michelle and her father were, in a different, as real and graphic as with her mother. I found myself wondering what her father's reaction to the book would be and was sad but not surprised to read JMW's comment about the article that suggested they have drifted apart even more.
Join Date: 01/05/22
Posts: 6
I also wondered what Michelle's father thought about this book and his portrayal in it. I can see how this memoir about Chongmi could be focused so much on Michelle's relationship with her mother that her father is only mentioned as an aside. But really he's not even an aside, because most of what is written about him is negative, not neutral.
He and Michelle each seemed to have their own relationship with Chongmi, but his relationship with Chongmi (at least what we hear about it from Michelle's POV), doesn't seem that great. I think that Michelle's knowledge of his affairs and drinking contributed to the tension on the trip to Vietnam. Michelle could have been thinking that her mother deserved better than that.
Join Date: 02/16/22
Posts: 4
Join Date: 02/24/17
Posts: 64
Michelle describes the heartache of seeing a parent who clearly "moved on" quickly to replace the Asian wife he had in Michelle's mother. Perhaps that was his way of showing how much he valued her mother; however, it comes across that he was a selfish and self centered man. He doesn't even take the time to console his daughter. I feel for Michelle!
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