Paul tells Evie, "There is no story until we're dead, and then our children tell it." Do you agree?

Paul tells Evie, "There is no story until we're dead, and then our children tell it." Do you agree? What does Paul's view suggest about how much we can ever truly know our family members?

There is no story would be better. Children aren't really interested in their parents lives, they expect the parents to care about them. Most people go to their graves with the fascinating story of their lives never being explored.

There is always a story....alive or dead. Not always a good story, or one that one wants to hear. It is up to the parents to draw the adult children into it.

If we don't share our story with our children then all they really have are their personal impressions. They don't know us until they themselves are old enough to understand why we do/did what we do/did, what made us who we are, what we went through, etc. I didn't know why my grandparents were "thrifty" until I learnt about their experiences during the Depression, There is always an untold story to be shared.

History always depends on the teller. We may see our life as a story we are writing, and in many ways it is, but when our story is told after we die, it will depend on who is telling it. It is like our being taught that Christopher Columbus was a great hero who discovered America. In truth, he was not the first and not a hero in any sense.

No, I do not. Each of us has a daily story. It is up to those left behind when we are gone to share that story with the world. While we are here, we tell our story in our own way. I struggled with Paul while reading this book. I felt he held Evie's family "sins" over her head and never missed an opportunity to criticize her about it. No family exists without skeletons in their closet and I felt his constant discussion with Evie about all the bad decisions made by her family over the years made him seem naive, judgmental and obtuse.

There is always a story and like all stories it changes with the teller and his/her perspective. If there is a life after death to our story then it is told by our children and our friends and other relatives. By the letters and objects we leave behind. By the places and things we cherished.

I partially agree. As we raise our children we tell them some of the stories of our lives. When they are young they seem to remember some of the stories but as they get older, and appreciate their family history, I think they often times inquire about what is was like when their parents, grandparents or other family members grew up. My parents were of the generation that didn't talk about their stories but I find that now that both of my parents are gone, I have a lot of questions I wished I had asked.

I don't agree. There is always the story we tell ourselves and that others may see or know. And then there is always part of our story whether we are alive or gone that is unknown and unknowable even among those who think they "know us."

I disagree. Stories are either told or untold, also they are either true or untrue. Children may be reliable or unreliable narrators of the family story. One of the themes in the novel is the role of "silence" in the story. The Milton family chooses to ignore certain truths such as the accidental death of their young son. Ogden definitely chose to disregard his financial support of Nazi interests and his resulting financial gains from this investment. In fact, when the rest of the country was suffering from the financial depression, the Miltons' were acquiring Crockett Island off the coast of Maine. One could say that selective forgetfulness plays a major part of the Milton family history.

I don’t agree either. I think there are so many stories to tell both about what happened, what we learned and how we grew in understanding and experience. Our children’s story will be different. However, there are certain shameful stories which we can leave to the next generation to decide to tell or not tell.

No, I don't agree but I didn't agree with much of what Paul did & said throughout the book. We all have stories throughout our lives & we tell them via the way that we live our lives. Our behaviors & reactions both create and tell our stories to anyone who is willing to pay attention and/or listen.

Of course there is a story to tell it. Therein our children will know and we can remember. Some things our children will not understand until they have children of their own or they go through something similar. Storytelling is a part of who we are and that is as it should be.

Evie was beginning to explore her past family in the work she was doing. I am a genealogist and the past is like exploring an old trunk or wardrobe and pulling out all kinds of clues of who came before us. I better understand my parents by getting to know their parents and grandparents. I think Evie was curious about hers.

I don't agree. We all have a responsibility to tell our own stories and to ensure that our parents and grandparents are given the opportunity to tell their stories. Deeper understanding of our stories or the future ramifications of certain stories may come after we're dead, but our children deserve to know us -- warts and all. I've never understood the point of family secrets -- scandalous or not. I'm reminded of the quote: "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

I think it is partially true. Most people lead extraordinary but ordinary lives, and when they are gone, the legacy they leave is their family. There are people who leave larger legacies that impact society in larger ways, but for many of us, that is not the case so directly. When you are a parent, your children view your life through the lens of their own, which is to be expected. If you are fortunate enough to know your children into adulthood there is an opportunity to share more of yourself with them, and let them know you as a person instead of just as a parent. In that way, when we are gone, our children share our story, or incorporate it into their lives. So while I absolutely believe that there is a story to our lives, and that our children often are the ones to tell it, I also think we are more than just parents, and have the ability to impact others in many ways in addition to being parents.