When I was certain that Rodey Theater would be dark, I slipped in the back and
took the first empty seat. Only there, alone and unseen, was it safe to take the
secret out and examine it. It strengthened me enough that I corrected my slumped
posture. I'd leaned on my new knowledge to get this far; tomorrow, somehow, some
way, the secret would guide me to what I needed, what I had to have. Of course,
tonight it changed nothing. To everyone in the theater, which was every flamenco
dancer, singer, and guitarist in New Mexico, I was still the most pathetic
creature imaginable: the third leg of a love triangle.
The credits flickered; then Carmen Amaya's tough Gypsy face filled the screen,
momentarily obliterating all thoughts from my mind. It was brutal, devouring,
the face of a little bull on a compact body that never grew any larger or
curvier than a young boy's. As taut with muscle as a python's, that body had
made Carmen Amaya the dancer she was. A title beneath her face noted that the
year was 1935. She was only twenty-two, but had been dancing for two decades.
She oscillated in luminous whites and inky blacks, gathering herself in a moment
of stillness, a jaguar coiling into itself before exploding. A few chords from
an unseen guitarist announced an alegrias, Carmen's famous alegrias.
The audience, mostly dancers as avid as I, leaned forward in their seats. Hiding
from random gazes, I slumped more deeply into my seat, considered sneaking out.
Even armed with my secret, I wasn't strong enough yet for this. There would be
questions, condolences, sympathy moistened with a toxic soup of schadenfreude. I
wasn't ready to be a cautionary tale, the ultra-pale Anglo girl who'd dared to
fly too close to the flamenco sun.
I was pushing out of my seat, about to leave; then Carmen moved.
A clip from one of her early Spanish movies played. The camera crouched low. Her
full skirt whirled into roller-coaster arcs that rose and plunged as those
bewitched feet hammered more rhythm into the world than any pair of feet before
or since. I dropped back into my seat, poleaxed by beauty as Carmen told her
people's hard history in the sinuous twine of her hands, the perfectly
calibrated arch of her back, the effortless syncopation of her feet.
I tore my eyes from the screen long enough to pick out the profiles of other
dancers, girls I'd studied with for years, women who'd instructed us. They were
rapt, mesmerized by the jubilant recognition that Carmen Amaya was as good as
her legend. No, better. That not only was she the best back then, but if she
were dancing today none of us, forty years after her death, could have touched
her. I wished then that I were sitting with those other pilgrims who'd made
flamenco's long journey, who understood as I did just how good Carmen was.
I joined in the muttered benediction of oles, accent as always on the first
syllable, that whispered through the theater; then I surrendered and let Carmen
Amaya's heels tap flamenco's intricate Morse code into my brain. Though I had
willed it to never do so again, my heart fell back into flamenco time and beat
out the pulses with her. Flamenco flowed through my veins once more. From the
first, flamenco had been a drug for me, an escape from who I was, as total as
any narcotic, and Carmen Amaya hit that vein immediately, obliterating despair,
rage, all emotion other than ecstasy at the perfection of her dancing.
The brief clip ended. We all exhaled the held breath and sagged back into our
seats. An old-timer, white shirt buttoned up to the top and hanging loosely
about a corded neck, no tie, battered, black suit jacket, appeared onscreen. A
subtitle informed us that he had once played guitar in Carmen's troupe.
"Tell us about Carmen's family," an interviewer, offscreen, asked.
U.S. ebook sales up in 2012, but rate of growth is slowing(May 16 2013) In 2012, trade book sales (i.e. non academic book sales) rose 6.9%, to $15.049 billion, and e-book sales continued to grow, although the rate of growth...