Cat found me eating like this the other night. She was out late with her
boyfriend doing I hate to think what and she came creeping in and saw me and
said, "You are so sad." I just looked at her and went on eating. I
could have said, Oh yes, and you're having such a great life? I know that
so-called boyfriend of hers. He's famous for going out with plain girls because
they fuck on the first date. He's an animal. Cat says she doesn't care and
anyway all men are the same including me. This is true. I have a so-called
girlfriend who I only want to see for sex, though I go along with the rest of it
for the sake of appearances. She doesn't know this. That is, she knows it very
well, but I never say it and she never asks and I suppose she must be getting
something out of it or she wouldn't go on seeing me. Her name is Am. I think
she's disappointed in me.
Actually I'm a disappointment to everyone who cares about me. Both my parents
are disappointed in me. My grandfather is disappointed in me. My godmother
Sheila who never forgets my birthday and keeps photographs of me as a baby is
disappointed in me. They used to want me to have hobbies and ambitions and a
great object in life. Now they just want me to get a job. What can I say? It
hasn't happened. I quite liked films for a while, and they all thought this
would give me a direction in life. But my interest waned.
A Man Called Intrepid author dies aged 89(Dec 03 2013) William Stevenson, a journalist and author who drew on his close ties with intelligence sources to write two best-selling books in the 1970s, A Man Called...