Conference : Book Club Discussions : New book discussions each month. Please join us to talk about some of the best book club books http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/ My husband and I have three daughters who are now in their thirties. They are each very different individuals. As they were growing up, they would each relate to us in different ways at different times. Just as they were each unique, my husband and I are very different, and we were each able to meet special needs at different times. We had different and special relationships with each of our girls, but not "best" with any one of them. I would say we were closer in some ways to one, and in other ways to another, and it balanced out pretty evenly. It certainly helps if the parents have patience, a sense of humor, good listening skills, compassion, empathy, and the desire to communicate, not to mention lots of love! But I don't know if this is "always the case" in family life. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=34D1B6E5-5056-A34B-62A78F5952D2F7B8&r=1 2013-05-20T23:58:37-04:00 Ben and Billy seem to relate best to one parent. Is this always the case in family life? While Laura had a fair amount of self confidence as a mother and in her work, in her dealings with men, she was much more insecure and indecisive. She had compromised by marrying Dan in the first place, and had gone along with her unhappy marriage for so long, that I am not sure she would have had the confidence to leave him without some kind of special support or catalyst. If she had decided to get therapy, for example, or some other event which boosted her confidence had happened, then she might have left her marriage without her affair. But her encounter with Richard enabled her to see herself in a different way, and helped give her the courage to leave her marriage. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=34EC129D-5056-A34B-623EF8D4A2096C4A&r=2 2013-05-20T23:38:32-04:00 Would Laura have had the strength to leave her marriage if she hadn?t met Richard? I thought this was one of the worst books I've ever read. I felt I wasted my time on a book written by someone who doesn't have a very high opinion of women, but considers them whiny and needy. The characters were presented as overly selfish, and the whole cheating incident was overblown and tedious. A poor read. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=8EDB2661-5056-A34B-6234E151A677F3EC&r=3 2013-05-20T22:35:05-04:00 The Comfort of Lies I think cheating is cheating--it doesn't matter to me whether it is emotional or physical. Both to me signal a violating of trust. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12B12DE1-5056-A34B-62E11DCE20E13DE3&r=4 2013-05-20T18:55:37-04:00 Is emotional cheating different to physical cheating? What about lying by omission? I agree with tillieh. I think Caroline agreed to adopt because her husband wanted a child. Caroline and Peter's resolution of their employment situations in the end seems to be one of the better outcomes of the book, even though it is a bit of a storybook ending. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12D02024-5056-A34B-62AAE8D730C1C52F&r=5 2013-05-20T18:06:52-04:00 Does the fact that Savannah is adopted affect how Caroline thinks about being a mother? One of the things I least liked about the book was that I couldn't really identify with any of them. I was really put off by the fact that none of them seemed to be focused on the welfare of the child. Each was so involved in her own issues that the child's situation seemed totally secondary. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12002ADB-5056-A34B-62925D9DFB2D6FEF&r=6 2013-05-20T18:03:53-04:00 Of the three female protagonists, which did you most identify with, and why? it is hard to know. i think both sexes cheat for a variety of reasons: not enough attention, ego fulfillment, lust, stupidity. it is hard to know which sex leans more toward one motive than the other. i do feel though that men are more accepting of their indiscretions that women are of theirs....again the double standard. i also feel men are less able to heal a relationship after a wondering wife than women are men. again, double standard and perhaps more weight on the woman of her family obligations, financial conditions etc. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12A6DB4A-5056-A34B-622927136F4510BB&r=7 2013-05-20T16:59:38-04:00 Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men? Physical cheating and emotional cheating are different. I would much rather hear that my husband had a one night stand than to hear that he had an ongoing deep relationship with a female for a long period of time. If someone has such a deep attachment with someone other than their mate then one would wonder a bit about what is being disclosed. I would feel more betrayed by having my privacy violated than anything else. That being said some people will make the subject of their spouse off limits when they are having a physical affair. How anyone could possibly think it lessens the immorality of the affair is beyond me. Both types of cheating can destroy a relationship. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12B12DE1-5056-A34B-62E11DCE20E13DE3&r=8 2013-05-20T16:31:17-04:00 Is emotional cheating different to physical cheating? What about lying by omission? Nathan has a very passive nature. He rolls with the punches and tries to please everyone. I think Juliette was wrong to keep the letter a secret for so long and to have it fester up inside like that. She should have confronted him with it at first and then they could have dealt better with the situation if she wanted to keep her marriage together. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=126D654A-5056-A34B-62C461CA92F93274&r=9 2013-05-20T16:23:01-04:00 How are the different ways Juliette and Nathan handle confrontation illustrative of their personality? I thought Caroline was better off. She was happier in her marriage, more comfortable with her role as a mother and able to enjoy her work with a bit less guilt. I felt she portrays the dilemma and guilt that professional women struggle with on a regular basis. Juliette was in a better spot but she was the most damaged. I agree with the notion that Tia probably deserved sympathy and the author probably wanted the reader to feel sympathy but I found her to be irritating and unlikeable and thus had trouble finding sympathy for her. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12EB6F50-5056-A34B-625DA364333E48C6&r=10 2013-05-20T16:18:48-04:00 At the novel's close, do they think Tia, Juliette and Caroline are better off than they were at the opening? She was too insecure to admit her feelings up front to her husband. The fact that she was such an accomplished woman in her work should have given her strength, but I think she wanted something more out of her life but just didn't know how to go about it and was too insecure in her own feelings to reach out more. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=126142E7-5056-A34B-6289CFCBF433904E&r=11 2013-05-20T16:17:06-04:00 Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers? Caroline could have easily done something like gone to a spa, read for fun, exercise (running, working out at a gym) because she certainly could have afforded it. Juliette could read, go for a drive, shop, do crafts (she certainly seemed creative enough). Tia could have and should have stopped feeling so sorry for herself and furthered her education to better herself rather than drinking. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12BAC739-5056-A34B-6213A12983ADF81F&r=12 2013-05-20T16:14:01-04:00 The women cope with stress in different ways; which mechanism did you most relate to? I thought the basic idea had possibility but I found the characters to be trying. A lot of the story was lost on me because I was too annoyed all of the characters. All in all it was an okay read but I was disappointed as I thought it would be better. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=8EDB2661-5056-A34B-6234E151A677F3EC&r=13 2013-05-20T16:12:46-04:00 The Comfort of Lies I thought Caroline's complicated response to Savannah also shed some interesting light on her marriage. What do you think her inability to do what tillieh suggests tells us about the relationship (especially the communication) between Caroline and her husband? http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=126142E7-5056-A34B-6289CFCBF433904E&r=14 2013-05-20T16:12:03-04:00 Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers? I agree with irisf. I was just as appalled at Caroline's lack of interest in a child that others would have embraced with vigor. As a woman who desperately wanted children and couldn't have any, I cherished the ones I was given through adoption and marriage. If she felt that she couldn't be a good mother, she should never have agreed to the adoption in the first place. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=126142E7-5056-A34B-6289CFCBF433904E&r=15 2013-05-20T16:02:18-04:00 Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers? As an adoptive mother, I identified with Caroline although I had a very hard time with her "not-so-motherly" feelings. I identified with Tia because I could feel her pain although I had a very hard time with her inability to pick herself up by the bootstraps and move on. Juliette was a bit too obsessive for me and although she came across as the one person who seemed to have a lot of strength, she was too insecure in her marriage. I think she would have been better off to have divorced herself from Nathan when she found out about the affair. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12002ADB-5056-A34B-62925D9DFB2D6FEF&r=16 2013-05-20T15:56:53-04:00 Of the three female protagonists, which did you most identify with, and why? I disagree, Tia was as much a victim as Juliette and deserved sympathy also. She was abandoned by the two people she loved the most at a very vulnerable point in her life. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12EB6F50-5056-A34B-625DA364333E48C6&r=17 2013-05-20T15:51:38-04:00 At the novel's close, do they think Tia, Juliette and Caroline are better off than they were at the opening? Juliette came from a stable middle-class family, which gave her a more practical idea of a romantic partnership and what to expect/seek in men. Although her mother and father were quite different, she grew up seeing that those differences can stand the test of time and help to balance things out. Tia grew up without much of a father figure and her search for a romantic partnership stemmed out of a fantasy rather than an example. http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12A256B9-5056-A34B-62340DA0790AB239&r=18 2013-05-20T15:48:31-04:00 How did Juliette's relationship with her mother and her parents' marriage compare to what we know about Tia's mother and father. How does each woman?s model of a romantic partnership affect what she seeks in men? That's an interesting point--Caroline seems so ambitious and mature in other areas of her life, but it's interesting to think about whether she'd have been ready to jump into motherhood with that same zeal had the circumstances been different. Or would she have met pregnancy, etc., with the same level of ambivalence? http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12D02024-5056-A34B-62AAE8D730C1C52F&r=19 2013-05-20T15:42:20-04:00 Does the fact that Savannah is adopted affect how Caroline thinks about being a mother? Tia was able to get some of what she wanted and Caroline realized her attachment to savannah which made her a better mother. Juliette, who was the most sympathetic character, had the hardest time coming to terms with Nathan's indidelity and his love child. She and Savannah were the victims http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12EB6F50-5056-A34B-625DA364333E48C6&r=20 2013-05-20T15:38:07-04:00 At the novel's close, do they think Tia, Juliette and Caroline are better off than they were at the opening?