Book Talk Home | Search Book Talk | Login | RSS
Not Logged in.
Book Jacket
The World Without You
"Heart-searing, eye-tearing, and soul-touching." - The Huffington Post
Summary and Reviews
Excerpt
Reading Guide
Author Biography

Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

Created: 12/28/12

Replies: 10

Posted Dec. 28, 2012 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
admin

Join Date: 10/11/10

Posts: 368

Expert

Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

When Marilyn announces she and David are separating, their daughters are thrown into shock. Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?


Posted Jan. 04, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
jeffs

Join Date: 06/18/12

Posts: 47

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

I think it is definitely different. Sometimes, for a kid, they can see the issues that their parents have. When you are an adult and are not living in the same house with your parents any longer it is probably much more shocking. Especially if you have had no previous indications from either parent that something was wrong.


Posted Jan. 04, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
Lea Ann

Join Date: 04/20/11

Posts: 63

Expert

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

My 3 children were all adults, married and in their own homes when my husband of almost 28 yrs. and I divorced. My son, the oldest of the 3, was devastated and yet years later when he and his wife divorced he came to me and said, "Mom, I owe you an apology." I believe that Jeffs hit the nail on the head, so to speak, when he pointed out that adult children are not living in the same house with their parents and so retain the idea of the relationship as it was when they were children growing up.


Posted Jan. 04, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
joyces

Join Date: 06/16/11

Posts: 200

Expert

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

It is definitely different for the children at these two different ages but probably equally as disturbing. In the instance of younger kids it disturbs their daily lives directly and the changes are obvious and immediate. For adult children who do not see a change in their day to day life it becomes more about concerns of how their personal reltionship with each parent will play out. Also it makes them sort of re-examine their own current relationships and perhaps question their own roles in those relationships. It also makes them sort of look at their parents a little closer and try to figure out what went wrong and who is at fault. The author again, in my opinion, handled it well and sort of let everyone deal in their own way with no judgements on who is right and who is wrong.


Posted Jan. 04, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
lisag

Join Date: 01/12/12

Posts: 298

Expert

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

When children are older, and married themselves, they're in a better position to understand the dynamics of marriage and how difficult it is. As children I imagine they'd be confused, perhaps even blaming themselves. I'm sure the two cases are very different, indeed, in so many ways.


Posted Jan. 04, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
cynthiaa

Join Date: 04/14/11

Posts: 45

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

Of course it is different. When you are a child and your parents divorce, it changes your everyday way of living. A child is so dependent on the stability a family provides that a major change such as divorce will tip the child's world upside down.
As an adult when your parents divorce, it is sad, and changes things such as holidays, etc, but it seems like it is more of a burden on the adult child because now in away, he has to become a parent or become more involved in his parents lives.


Posted Jan. 06, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
terriej

Join Date: 07/28/11

Posts: 77

Expert

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

I think it's only different due to the maturity of understanding what divorce means and that it is acceptable because adults don't always belong together. It is still a loss, no matter what age the child is.


Posted Jan. 06, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
eileenp

Join Date: 10/20/10

Posts: 33

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

It may be more difficult for adult children than for younger children. However, I think that the sisters reacted so strongly because they all had such a difficult year, and the inkling of more grief and the further disintegration of their family seemed too much.


Posted Jan. 07, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
lynneb

Join Date: 08/23/11

Posts: 41

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

Of course the circumstances are very different if you are a child and totally dependent on the parents for your daily support and survival. Children often blame themselves when parents separate and divorce. They think they have done something to cause their parents unhappiness. As adults you have a better understanding of the strains that can cause a marriage to fail but as the children of this situation it is just as emotionally wrenching. For the children of Marilyn and David it came as a complete shock since they had not been aware of any signs of trouble in the marriage. This was the most difficult part of the situation for them.


Posted Jan. 16, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
pennyp

Join Date: 03/22/12

Posts: 83

Expert

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

I think how a divorce is handled makes all the difference. My children were 5 and 7. They maintained a close relationship with their dad and later developed a great relationship with a stepdad. I am happy to say they are pretty well rounded adults who look back on their childhoods with fondness.


Posted Jan. 18, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
irisf

Join Date: 01/16/12

Posts: 56

Expert

RE: Is separation/divorce different for children when they’re adults than when they’re younger?

I think that divorce is always difficult for children. However in the case of older children ( I'm speaking of adults) they can often see the reasons and might even have a sense of relief. For minor children the effects are devastating because no matter how bad the situation might be, it's the only life they know.


Reply

Please login to post a response.