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Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

Created: 06/10/13

Replies: 14

Posted Jun. 10, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 447

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Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

On pages 306–307, Marlene says that "apologies are really just little weeds that grow over monuments and headstones. They keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath. If an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop. Right?" What do you think this means? Do you agree with her? Why or why not?


Posted Jun. 10, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
meredithk

Join Date: 06/10/13

Posts: 13

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

I don't think you as a parent ever truely get over a death of a child. But sometimes it does help in closure and resuming a bit of your life back.


Posted Jun. 10, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
janzr

Join Date: 04/18/11

Posts: 21

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

I thought this statement of Marlene's was a good example of describing how really messed up Marlene was. I found her to be the most hideous character in the book, a person shaped by the need for power, selfish motives, revenge, and hypocrisy. Even in her letters to her daughter, I didn't much evidence that Marlene was seeing her horrible role in death of Sarah. I thought that Marlene lied to herself through-out the novel, and had no character improvement.


Posted Jun. 10, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
jeffs

Join Date: 06/18/12

Posts: 47

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

I also found Marlene to be an unlikeable character. Marlene wanted to control her daughter and have her act the way she thought a daughter of hers should act. I don't think that any apology could have helped Marlene feel better. She provided the initial link between Sarah and Noa. I think she had too much guilt of her own the way she treated her daughter.


Posted Jun. 10, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
janzr

Join Date: 04/18/11

Posts: 21

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

Marlene's pain would never go away because she didn't realize that she needed to apologize to her daughter instead of wanted Noa to apologize to her (Marlene).


Posted Jun. 10, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
karenr

Join Date: 12/10/11

Posts: 13

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

I don't believe that is true. I think an apology can help someone forgive, but cannot stop the pain of losing a child. I don't understand the 'little weeds' analogy.


Posted Jun. 10, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
cynthiad

Join Date: 11/25/12

Posts: 11

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

An apology is not enough to wipe away a deep pain. They say "Forgive and Forget". That's often a very slow and/or impossible task. I understand the "little weeds" as nagging hurts and memories.


Posted Jun. 11, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
StaceyR

Join Date: 05/20/13

Posts: 17

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

It seems that Marlene has a very twisted view of what an apology is and what it can accomplish - not surprising I suppose since Marlene's character had a twisted view of most things including motherhood. She thinks that apologies should be able to erase pain, but this is almost never true. Now, I can agree with the simile about the little weeds - if one were talking about false apologies, the kind that some people repeat over and over without any meaning or intent to change.


Posted Jun. 12, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
judym

Join Date: 10/29/11

Posts: 13

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

I think that apologies are necessary in life-however, even when accepted, and all seems mended, the act or words can never really be taken back. Obviously--friendships & relationships endure, but I wonder who really ever truly forgives.


Posted Jun. 16, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
Sharlene

Join Date: 04/10/13

Posts: 30

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

Forgive maybe, but sometimes the pain is so deep it's impossible to forget. I think a lot of Marlene's pain was caused by her own involvement in her daughter's death and her own unacknowledged guilt but she would never be able to admit it because it would then become necessary to acknowledge it.


Posted Jun. 17, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
GinH

Join Date: 06/17/13

Posts: 20

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

Marlene had a mindset where no amount of apologies would have satisfied her. She needed to acknowledge her own actions with her daughter first to help set her free of pain.


Posted Jun. 18, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
cynthiaa

Join Date: 04/14/11

Posts: 50

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RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

An APOLOGY is not just saying the words, I'M SORRY. A sincere apology includes saying and meaning that one is sorry. Thinking about it and coming to an understanding with yourself of what it is you did wrong and why it was wrong. Vowing to never do it again. Doing whatever possible to make up for it. Then doing extra to help the situation. Can you tell I was raised Catholic? Depending on the severity of the deed, the pain may never go away, but a sincere apology is a step in the right direction towards healing.


Posted Jun. 18, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
mariannes

Join Date: 12/17/12

Posts: 134

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RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

I think an apology or other means of making amends heals the person making the amends, if it's a sincere apology. I don't think it necessarily helps the person receiving the apology. When someone apologizes to me, I appreciate it, but it doesn't heal me. I have to work through the pain myself. It's a well-known truth that the only person you can change is yourself, and an apology can't change another person if that person doesn't want it to.


Posted Jun. 28, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
LReads

Join Date: 06/23/12

Posts: 27

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

I don't agree with the statement at all. Apologizes cannot make things go away. They simply express regret for what one knows is a wrong doing.


Posted Jul. 03, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
edie

Join Date: 04/05/12

Posts: 22

RE: Marlene says that "apologies are like little weeds that keep coming back, but never stop ruining what lies beneath, if an apology is truly authentic, the pain is supposed to stop." Do you agree?

By likening any apology Noa might offer to little weeds she is expressing her contempt she has for the woman who took her daughter's life. No matter how contrite or how often she apologizes, her words are just an ugly and annoying nuisance that can't bring Sarah back or put an end to Marlene's pain. And she's right. Apologies don't change facts, and while they can bring some healing to the person making the apology as mariannes states, I don't think the pain Marlene is talking about is Noa's.
But, I don't agree with what Marlene says next, that a genuine apology is supposed to stop the pain. It's not the apology, but the acceptance of the apology, the forgiveness, that can heal the pain of the wounded. And Marlene cannot forgive.


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