Book Talk Home | Search Book Talk | Login | RSS
Not Logged in.
Book Jacket
The Arsonist
One of our most elegant and engrossing novelists at her inimitable best.
More about this book
Author Biography

Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

Created: 07/27/14

Replies: 8

Posted Jul. 27, 2014 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 560

Expert

Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

How does Frankie view her parents' relationship? Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?


Posted Jul. 29, 2014 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
Lisa

Join Date: 06/13/14

Posts: 14

RE: Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

Hmmm... Good question. I think it would be very difficult, if not impossible. Being on the outside looking in, we see how there are cracks in the marriage of Frankie's parents. As Alfie continued to fall further into dementia, Sylvia really struggled with their marriage. The cracks that were always there started to come to light. It was never perfect, but as a child, you would see it that way. I'm not sure you would ever be able to completely let go of that to see things in an objective manner, even having gained some distance.


Posted Jul. 29, 2014 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
Sooz

Join Date: 07/29/14

Posts: 6

RE: Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

I personally don't believe so as growing up, you might tend to characterize the relationship as a good or bad one yet in truth it could be quite the opposite. As an adult child you could continue to hold that original opinion or, if perceptive enough, completely go the opposite way seeing and noting things that you never would have as a younger child. At any rate, an objective view of one's parents' relationship is usually impossible as frequently only the two of them genuinely know their true feelings for one another. Actually, sometimes they don't even know that about themselves until some crisis or health problem reveals it to them.


Posted Aug. 11, 2014 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
sylviag

Join Date: 03/25/13

Posts: 12

RE: Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

I think as an adult it can be possible. But I think that often the child or adult child has too much invested in their perceptions of their parents and how those define themselves. A vested interest in denial.


Posted Aug. 11, 2014 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
kristenh

Join Date: 10/22/10

Posts: 11

RE: Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

It is possible though not probable because it will be viewed through the eyes of a child and their relationship with those parents and also on how the parents choose to portray their relationship in public as well as in their private house. The parents also may choose to only show the "good" relationship to the child even if it isn't going well so that things seem like they are going fine and the child doesn't feel bad.


Posted Aug. 11, 2014 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
maryj

Join Date: 03/06/12

Posts: 12

RE: Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

i don't think they can until they become adults and have lef experiences to help them be objective.


Posted Aug. 11, 2014 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
allwright91552

Join Date: 08/11/14

Posts: 4

RE: Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

I believe that Frankie felt like she could be objective (maybe even a little more critical) now as an adult but it was through her own personal experiences that filtered her perceptions of her parents and their relationship. Even with her personal experiences it is difficult to really see her parents' relationship as there are years and personal experiences that interfere.


Posted Aug. 12, 2014 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
job

Join Date: 05/12/11

Posts: 10

RE: Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

I don't think children can be objective about their parents relationship because they have spent their life being the child in the relationship and all the baggage that that brings. They might see it differently as an adult but probably not objectively.


Posted Aug. 21, 2014 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
jeann

Join Date: 11/14/11

Posts: 42

RE: Is it possible for children to objectively view their parents' relationship?

I guess it would depend on how "out in the open" things are between the parents. Sometimes parents keep things hidden to protect the children. Or, the child might have a closer relationship with one of the parents and see things from that parents standpoint. On the other hand, some things are just felt...like stress, tension or distance without anything being said. I don't know if children really notice things like who is taking care of things day to day (Sylvie) and whether they appreciate that or whether it is just something that they come to expect as "the way things are"....(Alfie being a "part-time parent"). Did it matter to the girls? It didn't seem to. Frankie wasn't close to her Mother even when she came home from Africa to live. But, they did seem to forge a new kind of a relationship and I think Frankie was beginning to understand some things at that point.


Reply

Please login to post a response.