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Coming Clean
A story about recognizing where you come from and understanding the...
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Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?

Created: 07/22/13

Replies: 7

Posted Jul. 22, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 402

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Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?

Kim knew Roy was a keeper when he responded well to her revealing her father's hoarding habit. Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?


Posted Jul. 29, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
bonnieb

Join Date: 09/11/11

Posts: 89

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RE: Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?

I think that sometimes secrets have to wait to come out. Trust and time are essential for some things to be revealed. I know of one woman whose father is manic depressive and she can't bring herself to tell her partner about that. I think it keeps things less intimate and more distant. I had a secret when I got married but eventually I told my husband and we've been married for 44 years now. I am glad that I was open with him as it brought us much closer.


Posted Jul. 29, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
joyces

Join Date: 06/16/11

Posts: 200

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RE: Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?

I think as a relationship ages and becomes secure and comfortable for couples that most secrets usually are revealed. Long close friendships with girlfriends usually end up with each revealing their deeper secrets as well. The only instances where these things may never come out and probably should not is if the secret is not about oneself but is someone else's secret and is really not something you personally feel you have a right to reveal just because some circumstance in the past made you aware of it.


Posted Jul. 29, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
beac

Join Date: 08/23/11

Posts: 26

RE: Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?

I don't know. I think that that secret would always be there, between the two people, it would keep the relationship from feeling complete to the secret keeper, and the other one will get hurt when it finally becomes known. There is always the people you are keeping the secret about to think about, too, since you don't want to betray their trust, either. It puts the secret keeper in a difficult position.


Posted Jul. 31, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
Navy Mom

Join Date: 04/12/12

Posts: 93

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RE: Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?

Something that so influenced who Kim is as a person can not be kept secret if the person in the relationship with her is going to understand her at all. Something that shapes you and that is so essential to you probably needs to be shared or the person keeping the secret will never really feel safe. I do think some things that happen in a person's past and that are over don't need to be shared.


Posted Jul. 31, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
djn

Join Date: 05/19/11

Posts: 45

RE: Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?

I think that we all have some secrets and some are just events that we are not very proud of...I think when it is an issue that continues to affect our lives we need to share with our closest relationships to give understanding to who we are. I think that Kim was wise to share hers, and it allowed for a much better relationship with her husband...sometimes our secrets are not as "big" as we think they are.


Posted Aug. 02, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
iread49

Join Date: 04/10/13

Posts: 26

RE: Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?

I married the man who makes me feel safe and accepted because he loves me despite my crazy family!


Posted Aug. 19, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
carmen s

Join Date: 04/27/11

Posts: 33

RE: Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship while keeping something important secret?

I think it is. Some things you just don't want to share or for someone you love to know.


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