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Cartwheel
"Cartwheel will upend you; rarely does a novel this engaging ring so...
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Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

Created: 09/18/13

Replies: 9

Posted Sep. 18, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
admin

Join Date: 10/11/10

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Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?


Posted Sep. 30, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
janeh

Join Date: 06/15/11

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RE: Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

I think it is extremely narcissistic to believe that your children are simply an extension of you. So many parents end up disappointed in their children because they project their own thoughts and desires onto their children. When you have a child, I believe you have agreed to nurture a new human being on Earth. That means celebrating their own talents and beliefs, even as you try to guide them with your own. I am not saying that Lily's parents weren't awash with parental guilt, but it was perhaps misplaced from other sources.


Posted Sep. 30, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
bonnieb

Join Date: 09/11/11

Posts: 89

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RE: Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

I think this is parental guilt to the extreme, exacerbated by the death of Lily's little sister. I also think that Andrew wants to believe that he is in some way the cause of the negative aspects in his children. However, if you take that thought to its logical conclusion, you are also responsible for all the good things that exist in your children.


Posted Sep. 30, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
dorothyt

Join Date: 04/10/11

Posts: 102

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RE: Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

Seems like guilt to me, maybe a realization that his and Maureen's parenting was lacking.


Posted Sep. 30, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
Erin G

Join Date: 05/24/12

Posts: 41

RE: Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

Andrew has some pretty serious issues. Of course parents tend to blame themselves when their children make bad choices, but it's almost egotistical to believe you're personally responsible for everything bad about your children. They are born with personalities of their own and from day one parents have only so much control over who their children will become. Which is not to say he was a great parent, especially to Anna.


Posted Oct. 02, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
pennyp

Join Date: 03/22/12

Posts: 102

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RE: Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

I think when our children are small we are responsible to keep them secure and safe. As they get older and break away, we have to let go a bit and realize that they are not extensions of ourselves, we have lived our lives and they will live theirs as they see fit. We can hope that we have given them the best foundation we could. In other words, we have done the best we could do at the time.
It is very hard to watch out kids struggle and not feel that we should have done something to prevent the situation, but it is not really very realistic.


Posted Oct. 02, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
lynnr

Join Date: 07/31/11

Posts: 10

RE: Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

I suppose a parent in that situation would be consumed with wanting to understand or make sense of their children's actions and might blame themselves or wonder if it was something they did. The family is pretty dysfunctional in general and his beliefs are just an extension of this. It would have been nice to have a little more development of the mother in this story.


Posted Oct. 06, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
lisag

Join Date: 01/12/12

Posts: 298

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RE: Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

If this were so, parents of serial killers would have some element of insanity in them. Most likely, some of them do but I'd like to believe that's not the norm. Kids who suffer terrible childhoods don't come out completely unscathed but if I believe Andrew that means they don't have much hope of being normal, either. I agree, what he says is overblown.


Posted Oct. 08, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
mariannes

Join Date: 12/17/12

Posts: 134

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RE: Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

My children have faults, but I don't think they're vile. The word seems too strong to me. My children are strong in some areas where I'm weak, and I'm stronger in some areas. No, I don't think they are just extensions of me.


Posted Oct. 09, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
raynat

Join Date: 02/29/12

Posts: 22

RE: Lily's father, Andrew, believed "... everything vile about your children was to some degree vile about yourself." Is this a fair statement? Did Lily's parents fail her, or is this parental guilt?

I don't believe this is true at all. I have friends who came from dysfunctional families and they have wonderful families of their own. I think you make your own life and don't have to follow in your parent's footsteps. I know I personally haven't.


I identified with Caroline since I am also an adoptive mother. Although I didn't feel anything like her. I was ready to be a mother and took it on with a positive attitude. Also I don't approve of open adoption so I wouldn't like all the people in the story to be involved in our lives.

I loaned this book to several of my friends and they just said it was O.K. I liked the book and wanted to find out how they all interacted with each other even though I wouldn't like that for my life.

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